“The virus refuses to stop smoking so that we can have a baby – I’m mad at him.”

“The virus refuses to stop smoking so that we can have a baby – I’m mad at him.”

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have tried to get pregnant and have been warned by our doctors to improve his life significantly – quit smoking, dropped off alcohol, lose some weight and so on.

Nevertheless, he does not take it seriously at all, and although he does not smoke at home and says that he has been handed over, I found a cigarette in his shirt pocket.

I am mad at him because he knows how much the baby means to me. I don’t want to start a big row, as things are pretty stressful, but how can I listen to it?

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Coleen says

I have many friends who have kids at work and know how stressful and life-breaking it is. So perhaps he is under pressure who pushes him to the smoke. I think you need to be careful lest you blame him for running into your situation, because there is more pressure on top of it. And on the team.

Why not focus on what you can do with this one for a healthy diet? If you find a cigarette again, you know this can be a hard time, but you want to try what your doctor recommends. You could even sign up for yourselves, such as “we will try really hard and give you all the things that we have for the next six months”, so it feels like the time is right and what is to be desired.

It’s hard for him if he’s been told that it’s his way of life.

And if you feel depressed and guilty, then you feel stressed, and when you feel stressed, you want to touch on ciggies or eat more.

I realize it’s frustrating, as you’re probably doing everything right, and every month is a huge disappointment.

But this is like a team – kindness and empathy.

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